nich_fiasco

 Ah. Here we go. You know when you run without thinking of where you are going to and realize you ended up in the same place you started. Havent really had the best of times in 2009 but to be honest what's kept me going is a couple of good friends and a bit of self belief. No idea how i got through the whole exam thing whilst i was working and really at a low point. But no point in dwelling on the past and just focus on whats in front of you really.

I have to admit I have been doing a lot of preaching lately but I feel like am such a big contradition. I was having a conversation with my mate Ghazi about life and how we shouldnt base our happiness on people and should focus on deriving that happiness from within yourself. I think if you derive it from within yourself, the chances of being hurt are less. It is not something that you learn to do in a snap but you have to build on it. Friends can still make you happy but we all have to be able to be happy even without them. Lately I ve tried to follow my own advice but it seriously a hard task. I hope eventually I get there.

Since I ve been back in london from my year of studying upnorth, I have had some time to settle down and think about things. Best way I do this is gettin to tower bridge and doing a bit of strolling around the south bank. Probably my favourite part of london.

The football is going well. Finally I can dedicate myself more to the team and have been helping out where I can. Looking forward to next season because we ve worked so hard and the whole team looks fit and ready ta go.

Looking foward to a very testing but vibrant summer and hope to achieve a lot of my goals I ve set for that period. Hope you all have a good one.
Hugs

 An end to a very emotional week. Both on and off the pitch. So had my first exam which was worse than I expected, but then again dont we all need a challenge in life. I should have passed it but I think I let myself down by not doing as much work as required. The exam was on wednesday and a crucial game for chelsea fell on the same day. Unfortunately chelsea drew 1-1 and got knocked out of the European champions league. The nature of the knockout was very heartbreaking as we were just a minute into the final. Then again I must say destiny took its course, or maybe it forgot to carry chelsea in this instance. End of the week seemed brighter and I must say I had a fairly quiet and relaxed weekend. Hope this week brings more positives and I hope the 3 exams I have are not too hard.

peace y'all

Felt like posting another entry today. Feel very upbeat and optimistic. In the library right now and just trying to read more and more. Got work at 5pm but i need to work a bit to relax my mind fromall this study innit.
Today should be a good day, i mean if you dont create your own luck then who will.
Yesterday decided to delete my facebook profile because was tired of it and spent too much time on that bugger. Dont know if I ll be back on it, only time will tell. Really miss my London mates right now but hopefully see them soon.
Also looking forward to Steve visiting later this month. Should be good fun as i havent seen the lad since January. Oh!

Hope y'all having a good day ;-) 

So I have probably spent like 1 week out of the last 2 weeks in the library . So thats spending 12 hours a day trying to revise for these flippin exams. Not easy but hard work makes it easy to achieve I would like to think.
Hard work at the end makes success sweet after a long journey. 
One of my favourite quotes would have to be: 'failure is a part of success'

woopty doo. 11 days of immense revision and am outy :-)

Finally the hour has come to be free

Fully expanded is my mental capacity

I have been a prisoner of my own emotions

Locked in chains to the wrong devotion

 

I throw a fist

For the young black kid in the schoolyard

Shedding a tear because he got kicked hard

No one could feel his pain

Committing crimes now they call him a retard

 

I stay strong

Free my mind from all propaganda

Tough outside, tough is my interior

I stay superior

Because your negative superior aspirations

In my mind make you inferior

 

I throw a fist up for the people trying to live

For the innocent lives lost in our streets

In my heart they will always be

Damilola, Martin and Steve

 

Today I won’t be moved, so I keep smiling

Because my soul is  free.

Growing u wasn’t easy. My mother was a single parent looking after 2 boys. We gave her hell but she lived through it. Some days she would sit in the living room silently crying for help. We made life difficult, truants in our own right. She prayed for a brighter day.

She worked day and night just to put food on the table. Put clothes behind our backs. She provided us with warmth whenever it was need. Such memories I can never forget, they always stay at the back of my head.Reminds me of the reason to strive and work hard as my mum gave me a good example.

She was a single parent but with the strength of two.

We never had a lot but what we had was always enough. Through experience, I have learnt not to treasure material items but appreciate the people closest to you instead. I would rather spend money go to a football game with my brother rather than buy an expensive phone.

Experience has told me not to expect a lot  but always expect to give.Show the ones you love that you appreciate their existence.

This christmas, I will try and spend as much time with everyone I love, family and friends.

I will give thanks for all the new friends I have made through out the year and hope our friendship grows stronger.

I will also pray that past friendships mature and I can always be there for friends when am needed.

All I am saying is, lets not get carried away with gifts and christmas trees etc, but concentrate on what we already have. I mean Jesus himself was born in a manger not a 5 star hotel.

 

I would like to thank everyone who has been there for me through the year and hope they are still there next year. I promise I ll try to be a better person next year.

 

Merry Christmas to everyone and hope you get every thing you wish for. Hope the New Year treats you kind.

 

Nich x

Life is a very tricky game that we all have to play with the best of tactics. Because you can easily lose track within the blink of an eye. So Last week saw my mum rushed to the Hospital where she spent a night. But funny thing is they did tests on her and everything and found nothing wrong with her. But for me that was a wake up call and made me realise how I have taken family and friends for granted recently. Sometime its good to take some time out and spend a little time and appreciate those who at least genuinely love you. So I will be doing a lot of that soon.

So I have definitely hit a record low in the last week or so. But Life is funny, If you have just been paid and getting laid, it all seems bliss and you re happy. But if you re broke and your football team is losing to lower division teams then its all grim. So that is the main reason I ve been walking with a frown on my face. Plus I just hate this fuckin city am based in right now i guess.

I hope there is light at the end of the tunnel, which there always is assume :-)

Hugs

I like to think that everyone gets a phase occasionally where they feel like being alone and take some time to reflect. what I do is turn off my mobile phone for a couple of days, have a jog in the early morning and just think etc. Sometimes I never think of where I am running to but as long as its somewhere away from it all. Must say Regaining my Alcohol virginity isnt as daunting as I expected, easy as first grade. Finally manage to find suitable alternatives to Beer and Whisky. Thats a nice slim glass of tonic water with excess ice.

Having brought up the thought of reflection. I have suddenly started to recognise the importance of friendship. Now I have never been one to have close friends. I have always chosen to have a lot of friends with whom I wasnt really close too. Maybe It must have been my insecurities. I hate the fact of someone knowing everything about you completely. Potential for blackmail there hehe.  Anywho, this summer has really opened my eyes towards the importance of great friendship. I have realized that its always good to have someone to talk to and someone you can count on. It releases all the pressure and in some way you get to share the load.

This sounds like a really boring blog but i had to write something, havent posted anything for quite some time lol.

Ok, two weekends ago I went to brighton Pride with 2 of my mates. Was my first one ever. Bumped into a few friends and had a lovely time. Got to snog a lesbian too (she had good teeth and was hot).


Last 2 weeks I have spent trying to regain my match fitness so I can play in the Gay World Football Championships come end of August. Really looking forward to it., I even coped my some new boots just for the occasion lol Oh yea, the name of the Team I play for is London Phoenix FC, if anyone wondered.

Hugs

Guns
God made man
And man made the gun
To kill another man
One man hates another man
The man he doesn’t understand
In this modern day
We all walk with blood on our hands
We hate ourselves for what we do
And cry ‘my life’s in a mess’
But no ones got the nerve to confess

Guns
Man made God
Because the Guns make him the God
The God that he is
Misleading these Kids
The day they grow up
Living the ambition of a pimp
Its all about money money money

Money
I swear money makes the man
Then the money kills the man
one man pays another man with a gun
For lets say, a Hundred grand
Now he’s living in fear
Got killed by his own paranoia
Could have been saved but he was never loved.

Love
Love shapes your heart
Your heart shapes your life
Because without a beat,
Who would survive?
So I promise I will strive,
For peace, love and life!